I Am Me

Monday, April 25

Well, some stress has passed. The worst of my math seminar is over - although I still have to turn in my abstract by Wednesday at noon, and give the actual presentation to the entire math department next Wednesday at 5pm.

I have a sociology test to study for, but I've explained myself to Fincher, and I feel confident about a B on this test. If I can manage a B on this test, and an A or B on the last paper, I should get an A in the class! Yay for me! :-)

I am done with sign language, completely. One more credit hour done, 7 more to go.

Erg, I'm off to study for sociology...

Kim 9:16 PM |

Sunday, April 24

So I get this email on Friday, a couple days ago...

i live in montgomery and i would like to be ur friend, do u agree?

This message was sent by Luis Rodriguez to Kim. To see Luis's profile click: http://www.orkut.com/Profile.aspx?uid=7742003281046089059
http://www.orkut.com/

so I reply with bewilderment, confusion... how did you find me, why are you interested, who the heck are you, etc... And he replies the next day (yesterday) with this:

From: luis cesar rodriguez varela [SMTP:luis_cesarr@hotmail.com]
To: Schneidman, Kimberly
Subject: RE: orkut - Kim Schneidman has sent you a friend request
Sent: 4/23/05 12:52 AM
i kim, i dont know i u have my other email, but if not, thanks for ur answer, well i found ur profile in www.orkut.com a classmate tell me about it and im happy to found u. im 29 years old and i live in montgomery . i moved from aurora one month ago and im working in naperville, close to fox valley mall, and i ready to meet us if u are. i'm thinking about this saturday at night 4/23 i know a good place to dance and have a good time in aurora downtown. let me know if u want ok or send me ur cell phone number to talk a little bit
atte
ur new friend
luiscesar

So... at this point, I'm a little creeped out. He doesn't know me, but he wants to meet?! and take me dancing... he wants to have live conversation over the phone...he wants my cell number?! So I reply with this:
Luis,
Well, I'm flattered, but I'm actually out of town in college right now in Rock Island,IL near the Iowa border. I'm 22 years old, and I'll be back in Bolingbrook for the summer in a few weeks. Dancing sounds like fun, because I like to dance. But, I don't know you well enough to meet in person yet. I'd like to get to know you better though.
Your friend,
Kim

I guess I'm a little creeped out, but he just contacted me out of the blue, and I don't know him! He doesn't even have a picture posted on his profile.

Kim 6:45 PM |

Saturday, April 23

You know when you look in the mirror and you think ugh, I'm so fat, I'm so old, I'm so ugly. Don't you know that's not your authentic self? But that is billions upon billions of dollars of advertising, magazines, movies, billboards, all geared to make you feel shitty about yourself so that you will take your hard-earned money and spend it at the mall on some turn-around cream that doesn't turn around shit.

When you don't have self-esteem, you will hesitate before you do anything in your life. You will hesitate to go for the job you really wanna go for. You will hesitate to ask for a raise. You will hesitate to call yourself an American. You will hesitate to report a rape. You will hesitate to defend yourself when you are discriminated against because of your race, your sexuality, your size, your gender. You will hesitate to vote. You will hesitate to dream. For us, to have self-esteem is truly an act of revolution. And our revolution is long overdue.

I urge you all today, especially today, in these times of terrorism and chaos, to love yourselves without reservation, and to love each other without restraint...unless you're into leather.
~Margaret C.H.O., 2002

Kim 11:40 PM |

Monday, April 18

Marriage is love.

Kim 2:26 PM |

Friday, April 15

I hurt. I know, it's 4:30 in the morning - everyone does not feel their best at 4:30 in the morning. But it hurts for me to take a deep breath. This has happened to me before, and determined to be not at all related to asthma or anything organic. I'm apparently just stressed.

So I guess that means I'm having a mental breakdown, or at least, I'm so stressed that my physical body is crying out for help. And all I want to do is go back to sleep. But that is a bad idea for 2 reasons: 1) I need to finish analyzing my research for my math seminar, and 2) since I hurt like this, I really won't be able to lay down without making my breathing WAY more uncomfortable. Even sitting while I'm typing this is more painful than standing. But still. I'm TIRED. I want to sleep. I have work from 7-11am. Now, I know I could call in sick to work, and then I could sleep for a few more hours before trying this research analyzation at a more reasonable hour, like say, when the sun is up. But that would start a bad pattern. It's only 6th week. I think if I start calling off work to finish my homework, I'm never going to go to work as much as I should...and then I'll see a decrease in my paycheck, and I can't deal with that.

Argh. I got a call about 8 o clock last night from a creditor. Apparently I've been ignoring my MCI long distance phone bill since about January... and what used to be 12 bucks and change is now over 38!!! Shit, I don't have 38 bucks...

Owwwie. I hurt. I just want to curl up in the fetal position on my bed and cry. But that, too, would hurt too much.

:-(

Kim 4:41 AM |

Wednesday, April 6

You wouldn't understand if I told you
You wouldn't want to hear me if I tried to explain
Everyone wants their child to be an individual
As long as we all act the same.

I could tell you I've been in love with a woman
The forbidden territory of the human heart
But you'd tell me it was only a "stage" that I was feeling
And that I've actually been straight from the start

I could tell you that I now love a man
And that I desire to be married and have a baby
You would see this as proof; that I was just as normal as you
That I was a proper "little lady"

That now that I love this man it's plain to see
That what it was that I felt before
Was nothing but some misguided, lustful feelings
Now safely kept in my head and heart; behind the closet door

The words to describe me are many, you see
I am a Witch, I am a woman, I am a wife
I am a daughter, I hope to be a mother, I am a human being
I don't have a lifestyle, I have a life

If you need to label my sexuality it's "bisexual"
Such a neat and tidy label to paste on me
It doesn't begin to describe all that I am
But it could make you change the way you see me

See I would try to tell you about all of this
That being bisexual, to me, means love without bounds
Loving a person for the person they are
And I really don't give a damn how you may think that sounds

I love a person, not a gender
I know that you find this so very hard to comprehend
But if I try to explain myself, would it matter?
If I told you I was Bi, would you understand?

-collwood@gte.net

Kim 9:38 PM |