I Am Me

Wednesday, January 26

Alright, I don't know if the problems I've had to endure lately mitigate my terrible performance in my classes, or if I should feel more guilty about being such a lame-o. So, I guess it's time for a list of my problems. This should be interesting, seeing as I've just taken my sleep aid, so my typing might be a bit off. Yay for spell-check.

About 3 weeks ago, I had a car accident that totalled my car, but physically, I was fine.

About 2 weeks ago, I started getting really sick. Terrible cough, sore throat, you know - the works.

About 1 week ago, I get my PUG in the mail, telling me I'm failing a class in my major. A few days later, I get so depressed, overdramatize, and begin to freak out about my future as an 80 year old wrinkly bald headed woman with acne scars and pimples riddling my face, my body being 400 pounds, and my job consisting of flipping burgers at a burger joint - simply from failing this one test in this one class in this one day of my life.

At this point, I get so messed up, I seriously considered suicide, because I figured I'd be putting my future self out of my present misery...or something like that. If you really want to know more, ask me.

Since then, I've hardly been able to sleep at all, especially when I'm supposed to - at night, as opposed to when I'm not supposed to - in class the next day. I've pulled about 3 all nighters since last Wednesday, and the nights I've not stayed up all night, I got drunk instead.

Meanwhile, I've gotten hardly anything done, I'm more stressed than I felt a couple of days ago, and I just lack the motivation to do anything. I've got senioritis so bad, you could have me medically diagnosed.

Alls I want to do is simply hang out with my teachers, participate in class, without having to be held accountable. I want to spend time hanging out with my friends while I've still got them this year. I want to read half a bazillion books that I've interlibrary loaned and been forced to renew at least twice, since I've not even cracked them open yet.

Oh but I promised my counselor, Debbie, that I'd go to sleep by midnight. And oh look, It's 12:36AM. Well, this definitely means I should be going to bed.

I heart my bed. My room is my little safe haven...and courtesy of 2 of my favorite friends, it's now been dubbed "The Womb Room," because the temperature and the atmosphere feel as warm and comfy as a womb.

Sniff. I'm so proud of myself sometimes. And then other times, I wonder why I bother, or how come people don't care as much about me as I do?

Well, I've absolutely GOT to go to bed.

Peace,
Kimmers

Kim 12:39 AM |