I Am Me

Monday, January 26

I don't know how I get myself into this. I am so fucked right now.

Everything is piling on so fast, I can't finish anything these days. I feel overwhelmed, most definitely. Overwhelmed: to overpower; to crush; to bury; to oppress; charge someone with too many tasks; overcome, as with emotions or perceptual stimuli. I am all these things and more at the present moment. I'm about to have a friggin' meltdown, but I can't allow myself to have a full-fledged one, because I have to be at work in 10 minutes.

What could possibly happen in my life that would put me so drastically close to losing my mind, you ask? Well, a lot of different things at once.
1) I just failed my math test, and I now have a C in the course. I'm a fuckin'' Math Major. This shit should be a piece of fucking cake. I can't afford to let my GPA go down much farther. I'm so fucked.
2) I have a speech tomorrow that I still need a topic on. Once again, I was all gung-ho to NOT procrastinate on this, until I got my 92% grade back on the first speech that I finished writing about 1 hour before I gave it. Now, I feel rewarded for procrastination. However, I still have a lot of work to do with this thing before tomorrow, namely, all the work. Fucking procrastinator that I am....
3) I have a Theater quiz tomorrow also. Oooh, yay. What fucking fun. My motherfucking teacher is "quite surprised" that these quiz scores are so low. Well if you wanted to ask the most minute little details from a chapter of about 50-60 pages...You might need to curve those fuckin quizzes. Fuck me, Freddy.
4) I can't just sit there and study for hours on end. I also need to take care of my health. I need to eat regularly, sleep regularly, and I also need to go to work, so I can pay for shit. Also, if I just sat there and studied forever, I will, most definitely, lose my ever-lovin' mind. Fucking A.
5) Meanwhile, I can't just drop out of all my clubs. I've dropped Prism, even though it's still something I wanted to be a part of. I've dropped the Augie Democrats, even though this upcoming election is sorely in need of informed voters. Fucking Bush, Dick, & Colon.
6) And then there's this last weekend where I practically had a 3 day vacation. I just blew it and watched 6 movies in 2 days. I could have put all that effort into SOME kind of homework, or studying. SHIT.
7) My room is a mess, I need to do laundry, yet again, and wash my dishes. I still have dirty dishes from the 4th of January! No wonder my floor smells like fucking garbage.
8) I haven't showered since Saturday, even though I worked out yesterday. Boy, did I sweat...And all I wanted was a shower, but instead, I felt compelled to watch 3 movies.
9) I so have been craving watching the Boondock Saints & Pulp Fiction again. Seriously - Birthday presents people!!! - on DVD, por favor.
10) Oh, crap. Now I don't even have TIME TO FUCKING VENT!!
Gotta go to work.
Shit, Fuck, Crap.
That's a wrap, for now.
~Kim

Kim 10:14 AM |

Friday, January 2

Breakfast was great. I had hash browns with cheese, and eggs. Yum. And, I got to do lots of things today. I got to finish latch-hooking this project before I go back to school, I got to do some major laundry, and some major packing. I guess I figure I'll be doing my homework Sunday night when I get back to school. This vacation was so unproductive-which is why I enjoyed it so much. :-)

Anyways, I'm really glad I'm done working at Meijer for a few months, because I've realized that I can only take it in small portions. Otherwise, I may just lose my ever-lovin' mind. However, this does mean that if I don't want to be working at Meijer this summer, that I will need to find another job. But at this point, I really should be looking at internships, not just summer jobs. But I really don't have much time for internship-hunting. I have decided though that I am going to take my speech class as pass-no credit. And, just this morning, it dawned on me that maybe my theatre class should also be pass-no credit. That way, the only class affecting my gpa is my math class, which I actually enjoy, and I'm pretty good at. See, then I can just not spend all my free time doing homework, I can do some fun stuff instead. Like, hang out with my friends, and redecorate my room, and um, earn money to redocorate my room.....

Ok, onto a totally different subject - the holidays. Well, I made out okay with my gifts from my family. My mom got me a gift card to Kohl's, but see I don't normally shop there, except for things like underwear, socks, etc. I suppose I'll end up spending the 50 bucks on a new bra or something. I dunno. I'd rather have gotten 50 bucks to either a hair salon, or to a movie theater, or rental video place. You know, something I might actually use. Anyways, My brother just got me this card that says: Love, Jeff. Sorry I didn't get you anything.
So when I handed him his Christmas gift (a paint gun) I said sorry I didn't get you a card, I only got you a gift instead. Heh, yeah I said that.
My sister got me a plant which sort of isn't really growing, and the water kinda got all over the carpet, but Dad doesn't know it. Eh, it'll evaporate. Besides, she also crocheted me a small purse/bag. That is pretty cute.

I don't know why I always bust my butt on everything. I always tend to go over and beyond. Of course, my friends tell me that I rock, for doing it, but of course, anybody who goes over and beyond is going to rock. My question is why bother being such a "if it's worth doing, it's worth doing right the first time" kind of chick, when it doesn't seem to get me anywhere. There are people in college who never did shit and they still graduated. And then there is me, who does way more homework than I should, and I never see hardly any benefit from doing it. Or, like, why do I want to be such a perfect person? I know it's impossible to be perfect, and yet I try so hard everyday. Of course that means I'm failing at perfection everyday, and it's destroying my self-esteem, or what little I had left.

Ok, I got to go do some errands, but I'll prolly be back later to write more. Clare was right, this is therapeutic.

P.S. Happy Freakin' New Year to one and all.

Kim 10:42 AM |

Hey y'all! I've decided that I want to keep everybody updated on the daily or weekly shit that happens to me. So, first of all, welcome to my public blog. Secondly, I just realized I'm s'posed to meet some friends in 13 minutes for breakfast, and I'm still in my robe. Ok, it's called get ready rrrreal fast! Ready? Go me!
~Bye for now

Kim 8:58 AM |